Sorrow

Prospect:
Moving back home to mom's.
Reason:
Jobs not hiring me.

I feel like a total failure. I made it this far and now I have to go back. I'm in so much bad debt I'm starting at less than zero. My mom tells me it's not such a bad thing, she had to do it. That's the thing, though. She had to. I don't want to be like her. Not like that. I feel the distance between the two of us crumbling and I hate it.

It strikes me that of the four people who im-ed me, no one asked how I am. If they did, I'd tell them I didn't feel like talking right now. But they didn't.

I crave approval. I've always lived in my brother's shadow. He's this tall, handsome, successful person who was always good at sports and he had a lot of cool friends. He's really talented at everything he does. I guess when I was younger I acted out by being weird so my family would have to notice me as much as him. I never wanted to be in trouble, so I never did anything I couldn't get away with, but I was goth/punk/freaky and I did the poetry and arts thing. And I hooked up with whoever I could. Hey, they liked me, and that's what mattered then. It always felt like, my family would mold itself to my brother, but not to me. I hated being teased, but it was incessant. There were times when I got slapped for swearing, but my brother could get away with it. And I never resented him. I worshipped him. I still do, sort of.
For a while, when everything was going well in college, it felt like I could relax. Everyone did love me, and I didn't have to try. I just did my thing and this seemingly amazing person shone through. But then when I started having money problems, the self esteem shit acted up again. Now I don't know what my thing is anymore.
So now that I've failed utterly, I know it'll be talked about by people who I wish would just forget I existed between Mystic Realms events. And I know people I love and respect will feel bad for me. Guess which is worse?

This is why I try to avoid introspection.

Platypus

beaver joke

imstillaplatypus: creative explanation as to why i'm broke
imstillaplatypus: so, i decided to be a hermit for a while
imstillaplatypus: this requires a hidden house with a hidden entrance
imstillaplatypus: a beaver lodge would be ideal, especially since i don't mind swimming.
imstillaplatypus: so i found one in a bayou, but it was occupied by a couple of beavers
imstillaplatypus: they put up a hell of a fight about it, until i signed papers saying i'd rent them a condo in miami
MonkeyWithALaser: oh my
imstillaplatypus: they cheerfully relocated and now i'm broke
imstillaplatypus: lost my money the old fashioned way
imstillaplatypus: on beaver i couldn't afford

This is what I get for starting at 17

Your Ultimate Roleplaying Purity Score
Category	Your Score	Average
Hacklust	60.38% Enjoys the occasional head-lopping	53.4%
Sensitive Roleplaying	31.65% All the game's your stage	54.3%
GM Experience	92.75% "Um... You guys are in a 10'x10' room..."	69.2%
Systems Knowledge	93.08% Played in a couple of campaigns	90.2%
Livin' La Vida Dorka	63.22% Goes nuts on the weekends	62.9%
You are 73.43% pure Average Score: 68.6%
Take The Ultimate Roleplaying Purity Test and see how you match up!

Hrm....

You are glucose. People feed off of you. You are
sweet, caring, and a source of energy for
everyone around you. You can inspire others
with your creativity and depth, and you can
keep people alive when in times of famine.
People love you...or at least the way you
taste.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Out of Season Trick or Treating

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
imaplatypus goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Cat Goddess.
alphafemale1 gives you 18 red banana-flavoured hard candies.
cosmic_hiccup gives you 9 dark green peach-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
dahveed76 gives you 1 mauve licorice-flavoured gummy worms.
edandragn tricks you! You lose 2 pieces of candy!
fatherdog gives you 1 light blue pineapple-flavoured gummies.
ladymeg1 gives you 6 yellow vanilla-flavoured gummy worms.
neil1701e tricks you! You lose 14 pieces of candy!
openhead tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
sororbabylon gives you 19 teal vanilla-flavoured gummy fruits.
wolf_nd_shadows tricks you! You get a piece of string.
imaplatypus ends up with 37 pieces of candy, and a piece of string.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.