Growing Up
Jul. 31st, 2007 10:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
holly_evolvingIt's my dad's birthday today. He would have been 64.
I've changed a lot. I went through a really bad period, all the usual emotions. Sadness over losing him, feeling sorry for myself that he'd chosen to have the surgery, angry with my family for deciding to take him off life support, guilt that I didn't speak up. Guilt that I didn't stop him.
But then I realized something. I couldn't have stopped him. Nobody told me the risks of the surgery till he was dying. Nobody even told me he had colon cancer. He didn't know. He didn't tell me how sick he was, he just let me find out the hard way. I was angry with him for that for a long time, too.
I'm not anymore. I know, really know, that none of this was my fault. He was too proud to ask for help in time, but at the end, he tried. He did everything he could to try to take care of me, he just didn't know what to do. No one can blame him for that, and I don't anymore.
Happy Birthday, dear Daddy,
Happy Birthday to you
I've changed a lot. I went through a really bad period, all the usual emotions. Sadness over losing him, feeling sorry for myself that he'd chosen to have the surgery, angry with my family for deciding to take him off life support, guilt that I didn't speak up. Guilt that I didn't stop him.
But then I realized something. I couldn't have stopped him. Nobody told me the risks of the surgery till he was dying. Nobody even told me he had colon cancer. He didn't know. He didn't tell me how sick he was, he just let me find out the hard way. I was angry with him for that for a long time, too.
I'm not anymore. I know, really know, that none of this was my fault. He was too proud to ask for help in time, but at the end, he tried. He did everything he could to try to take care of me, he just didn't know what to do. No one can blame him for that, and I don't anymore.
Happy Birthday, dear Daddy,
Happy Birthday to you