Rough ride

[holly_evolving]

I wrenched my back Friday night. I've been riding for a couple of months now, and the horse they have me on, Tess, is usually magic for me. But Friday we were doing all new things, and she was acting really weird. She was trotting slow, which is not like her, and rough on my back, and then we were supposed to do tight circles, which I had never asked of her before, and she was like what the fuck lady and kept stopping, and I wasn't using a crop. So I was posting and leaning and trying to nudge her with my heel and all of a sudden my back was like NO YOU ARE DONE MISSY. And that was it. We went to the rail and stopped and I knew we were not going again. I'm still a bit twinge-y.

It bothers me a lot. I have been doing really, really well. Better than anyone expected an overweight, thirty-something beginner to do. So any setback at all is upsetting to me.

I did find out why Tess was moving differently, though. They had just trimmed her hooves, and that apparently makes her take shorter steps. Not fun.

I have a makeup lesson on Wednesday, and I'm going to show up early and hang out with her in her stall for a while, and hopefully get her more used to me being around. And I'm going to have a crop on me. Even if I don't need it, I'll feel better knowing that if I have to give her a nudge, I can give her a clear signal. I don't think I could get her with my heel hard enough for her to realize that I was doing anything more that being wobbly in the saddle, which doesn't help. No horse wants a rider who doesn't seem to know what to do.

I'm not giving up. Which is a source of pride in itself. I have historically been resistant to new things, because if I am bad at them, I feel bad. Like, awful. Self-esteem go shatter kind of bad. Most things came so easily to me when I was younger that I would not bother with anything that was difficult, and no one would notice because I could do so much.

But I'll be damned if I'm giving this up. Even if I am never good at it, even if I'm never graceful in the saddle like my mom was when she was young, I will ride, and I will do so competently. I may never make magic with a horse, but I'll be someone that any horse can be happy with.

Except Walter, he's just a fucker who likes to pee in front of Tess.

Comments

[vayshedruvon.livejournal.com]

That works. I just didn't want you discouraged over one bad ride :)