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Jul. 3rd, 2004 02:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
holly_evolvingI hate cleaning. This entire post may wind up being me bitching about my mom. In which case, I shall cut it.
Nope, too blah to actually say anything about it.
Those of you who knew me in college know that I shouldn't hate cleaning. It used to be my OCD way of making things feel all better. But cleaning in my disgustingly hot room because my mom won't turn on the air when I don't feel like it but I have to...well, it adds to the list of reasons why I feel unwelcome and unappreciated. Tip for anyone whoever wants to tell me "This is your home whenever you want it to be:" I WILL HOLD YOU TO THAT. This is something my mom apparently hasn't figured out.
Should I do all the socially-mandated interpreting that would lead me of course to understanding that what she meant was "I understand that you're having a problem and I want to seem like I give a shit when really I don't so please find some other way to survive because I don't want you interrupting my personal well of misery or my attempts to drag my boyfriend into it by cutting him off from all of society and you were never really welcome here even when I was legally required to feed you so you understand and you'll magic up another option, right?" Maybe I should. But I'm a firm believer in not saying something if you don't mean it. Socially, sometimes we can't say what we do mean. But there are plenty of ways around that without lying. Learn some goddamn pooka-ease if you feel too guilty about your own thoughts to voice them.
Well, this turned out to be long, after all. Cut time!
Nope, too blah to actually say anything about it.
Those of you who knew me in college know that I shouldn't hate cleaning. It used to be my OCD way of making things feel all better. But cleaning in my disgustingly hot room because my mom won't turn on the air when I don't feel like it but I have to...well, it adds to the list of reasons why I feel unwelcome and unappreciated. Tip for anyone whoever wants to tell me "This is your home whenever you want it to be:" I WILL HOLD YOU TO THAT. This is something my mom apparently hasn't figured out.
Should I do all the socially-mandated interpreting that would lead me of course to understanding that what she meant was "I understand that you're having a problem and I want to seem like I give a shit when really I don't so please find some other way to survive because I don't want you interrupting my personal well of misery or my attempts to drag my boyfriend into it by cutting him off from all of society and you were never really welcome here even when I was legally required to feed you so you understand and you'll magic up another option, right?" Maybe I should. But I'm a firm believer in not saying something if you don't mean it. Socially, sometimes we can't say what we do mean. But there are plenty of ways around that without lying. Learn some goddamn pooka-ease if you feel too guilty about your own thoughts to voice them.
Well, this turned out to be long, after all. Cut time!