Unsolicited Hugs

[holly_evolving]

Now I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I don't like to be hugged unless I specifically invite it. It could be as simple as me raising my arms toward someone, but if I don't give the indicator first, then I don't want to be touched. I used to be a lot more cuddly than I am now. I've gotten old and crochety...and I know better than I used to.

So, my (least) favorite unsolicited hug ever...was at a Wicked Faire.

Now, WF is wonderful. WONDERFUL. It's this incredible community that feels like home for so many people, myself included. And yet. There is a kink factor to Wicked that I take absolutely no part in. I am vanilla. After the first Wicked, I asked Jeff if all the grown-up only vendors could be in one space, so people like me could avoid that space. Which provides the added benefit of people like me not being a downer to the people that do enjoy the grown-up things. So that's me and kink-aversion.

So at the third Wicked Faire, a fella comes up to me. He's wearing a lab coat. He asks if he can have a hug. "Sure," say I, thinking that what he wanted was a hug. Silly me. I give him his hug and immediately feel an unwelcome vibration below my waistline...he was wearing a vibrating rig of some kind. So I jumped back and said something akin to "Dude! Not cool!" and walked away. As far as I know, that's where the story ends. He never bothered me again, but I do point him out to my friends, to make sure they're aware of what they might be getting into if they hug him.

I don't like unsolicted hugs, and I don't like surprises. I like it least of all when they are combined. And surprise kink will just plain ruin my day.

Comments

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

...who was that person? Do you have any other descriptors?

[holly-evolving.livejournal.com]

I'll email you.

[hughcasey.livejournal.com]

Ah, you had an encounter with Dr. Creepy-Vibrator-Guy. He's been going to Wicked since at LEAST the second one.

I honestly don't think he understands where his... "vibratoring"... is inappropriate. That doesn't excuse him, but I think that maybe he's not quite all there, if you know what I mean.

Worse, some people seem to think that he's "cute". I guess if you think that dirty-old-men are cute, then, yeah, he is. *rolleyes*

[holly-evolving.livejournal.com]

If you've seen him online anywhere, could you message me with a link? Jeff is trying to sort out who this is.

[alphafemale1.livejournal.com]

I hear you on the unsolicited hugs. I tend to reserve hugs for my nearest and dearest- and even then, I don't need to hug them every time I see them.

I wish everyone would respect others' personal preferences. Some people get wayyy too offended if you don't offer a hug.

I'm with you on surprises.

And the Wicked Faire Dude--ICK. JUST ICK.

[wolf-nd-shadows.livejournal.com]

I know the guy you're talking about. the first year he was handling it like a scientific experiment
"let me show you how hugs can be improved with science."
it wasn't inappropriate then because his shtick involved a form of informed consent, where you knew something funny was going on.
apparently he dropped the informed consent part of his routine, and that crossed the line and became inappropriate.

[holly-evolving.livejournal.com]

Sorry, no. Informed consent would have been "let me show you how hugs can be improved with a vibrator." "With Science" isn't nearly a clear enough warning.

[wolf-nd-shadows.livejournal.com]

the way his routine worked in the past was that he first gave a normal hug to establish the baseline, and then for the second hug, he made a show of turning on the machine.
but no matter what he did last year, what he did this year was inappropriate should be addressed.

[holly-evolving.livejournal.com]

My specific reference was something that happened 3 years ago. I haven't gone near him since.

And it's not okay to use a vibrator on someone without specifically saying that's what you're going to do!