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holly_evolvingQuickly:
The slut theme has been playing on my mind. And I've figured out why:
There were people talking about me being a slut. I was sick of just letting it go and looking the other way and whatever other cliche you can think of for not standing up for myself, so I addressed the issue head on. Had the issue been my bisexuality instead of my slut-ness--had I been coming out--I sincerely doubt that people whose opinion I respect would say that I was just trying to get attention. Probably the people who already had a problem with me would say that, but the others...I doubt it. But it was the issue not of with whom I have sex, but that I have sex a lot and I'm not ashamed of it. So I got "explained."
4.25 years of college with a double minor in psych and sexual politics. And now people I respect are saying it's just about attention. What about reaching out to other people like me who ARE ashamed and don't know how to deal with it? What about people who can't accept themselves as they are, and so make dangerous and stupid choices? What about the people who've felt it was THEIR fault I refused to be monogamous? If it's out in the open, it becomes less dangerous, not more so.
Sigh. I bet the first wave of people to come out felt the same way.
Other, physiological reasons why I am grumpy this morning:
1)Got very little sleep. I'll get over that soon, as it was for happy reasons.
2)No breakfast and no caffiene. Being remedied as I type. In fact, I'm taking the time to write this because I'm taking the time to eat. Not a good breakfast, mind you. Birthday cake and a Coke, but it's something at least and I'm out of milk money.
3)Seasonal affective disorder. I need sunshine to get through the day. I work in a first-floor office on McCarter Highway, so my blinds are down all day. The only sunshine I get until 4:30 PM is before I get into work. And it was still overcast when I left this morning.
Last complaint:
The downside of my job. I reiterate, this is an office job. I don't get to go outside. I sit in a cave. I write about how great we are when I don't give a shit about us. It feels dirty. I'd rather being doing something useful to society, or at least working with my hands and making something beautiful.
The plus side of my job. I am taking the time to have breakfast and write in my LJ. I have my own office--well, I have an office roommate, but she's wackier than me and doesn't mind anything I do. I cover for her naps (physical AND mental.) I can surf the net while I do anything else here I want. I'm pretty much creating the Public Relations department from the ground up, and I can run it as I see fit because I AM the department. I make $350 a week after a butt-load of taxes come out of my pay, which means a nice return next year (I hope). I'm resolving old debts while keeping up with current bills, and I still have a bit left for fun and savings. And right now I'm at this terribly professional job in jeans, flip flops, and an Akira t-shirt. No makeup, no jewelry, and my hair in a bun.
I think I'm going to do something very cute soon. Very very cute. Breakfast and warmth are kicking in, and I am feeling better already. Especially thinking about the cute.
You know, I've been to a few demonstrations, and I was in the Millenium March on Washington...but I've never been in a protest. I realized this the other night. Wow.
Platypus
The slut theme has been playing on my mind. And I've figured out why:
There were people talking about me being a slut. I was sick of just letting it go and looking the other way and whatever other cliche you can think of for not standing up for myself, so I addressed the issue head on. Had the issue been my bisexuality instead of my slut-ness--had I been coming out--I sincerely doubt that people whose opinion I respect would say that I was just trying to get attention. Probably the people who already had a problem with me would say that, but the others...I doubt it. But it was the issue not of with whom I have sex, but that I have sex a lot and I'm not ashamed of it. So I got "explained."
4.25 years of college with a double minor in psych and sexual politics. And now people I respect are saying it's just about attention. What about reaching out to other people like me who ARE ashamed and don't know how to deal with it? What about people who can't accept themselves as they are, and so make dangerous and stupid choices? What about the people who've felt it was THEIR fault I refused to be monogamous? If it's out in the open, it becomes less dangerous, not more so.
Sigh. I bet the first wave of people to come out felt the same way.
Other, physiological reasons why I am grumpy this morning:
1)Got very little sleep. I'll get over that soon, as it was for happy reasons.
2)No breakfast and no caffiene. Being remedied as I type. In fact, I'm taking the time to write this because I'm taking the time to eat. Not a good breakfast, mind you. Birthday cake and a Coke, but it's something at least and I'm out of milk money.
3)Seasonal affective disorder. I need sunshine to get through the day. I work in a first-floor office on McCarter Highway, so my blinds are down all day. The only sunshine I get until 4:30 PM is before I get into work. And it was still overcast when I left this morning.
Last complaint:
The downside of my job. I reiterate, this is an office job. I don't get to go outside. I sit in a cave. I write about how great we are when I don't give a shit about us. It feels dirty. I'd rather being doing something useful to society, or at least working with my hands and making something beautiful.
The plus side of my job. I am taking the time to have breakfast and write in my LJ. I have my own office--well, I have an office roommate, but she's wackier than me and doesn't mind anything I do. I cover for her naps (physical AND mental.) I can surf the net while I do anything else here I want. I'm pretty much creating the Public Relations department from the ground up, and I can run it as I see fit because I AM the department. I make $350 a week after a butt-load of taxes come out of my pay, which means a nice return next year (I hope). I'm resolving old debts while keeping up with current bills, and I still have a bit left for fun and savings. And right now I'm at this terribly professional job in jeans, flip flops, and an Akira t-shirt. No makeup, no jewelry, and my hair in a bun.
I think I'm going to do something very cute soon. Very very cute. Breakfast and warmth are kicking in, and I am feeling better already. Especially thinking about the cute.
You know, I've been to a few demonstrations, and I was in the Millenium March on Washington...but I've never been in a protest. I realized this the other night. Wow.
Platypus
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 11:40 am (UTC)well, with you bringing all this to the front, I certainly have no psychology degree or anything, but I have been known to read ppl somewhat, and as far as I can tell, this certainly isn't about attention. The way you spoke about your sexuality, you just seem to air out what people have a misconception about you, and the fact that ppl have a problem with it shouldn't really concern ya. What you do is on a level of trust and close friendship, so if it was about being a slut, the one-night stands would be numerous.
And yu certainly are not a slut, and ppl give u more credit for that than anyone else when they havent heard the whole story.
But hey, ya know, I've known ya since my second year of college, so I would pick up a few things about you, and I never assumptions. whatever happened, you have your valid reasons, I'm not saying anything else. So... just go with yourself and keep being whoever you need to be.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 01:01 pm (UTC)You've been 100% supportive and I know you understood everything. Thanks.