Yes, in fact, I AM a slut.

[holly_evolving]

I like sex. I like it a lot. I'm willing to have sex with most of my friends. I do have sex with several of them. And we always protect each other. And everyone knows about everyone else. And no one is involved who is involved with someone else that would have a problem with the situation. We're happy and we have fun. I'm a slut. A libertine. A decadent wench. And I'm happy and I'm not hurting anyone. The only way to find out about my sex life is to ask me, to ask someone who knows, or to read my LJ. In other words, in order to find out, you have to WANT to know. I'm not shoving it down the throats of people who don't want to know about it.

So who the fuck cares?

Platypus


Bad Reputation
(Jett-Laguna-Cordell-Kupersmith)

I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
You're living in the past it's a new generation
A girl can do what she wants to do and that's
What I'm gonna do
An' I don't give a damn ' bout my bad reputation

Oh no not me

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
An' I'm only doin' good
When I'm havin' fun
An' I don't have to please no one
An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

I don't give a damn
'Bout my reputation
I've never been afraid of any deviation
An' I don't really care
If ya think I'm strange
I ain't gonna change
An' I'm never gonna care
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

Pedal boys!

An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my reputation
The world's in trouble
There's no communication
An' everyone can say
What they want to say
It never gets better anyway
So why should I care
'Bout a bad reputation anyway
Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
You're living in the past
It's a new generation
An' I only feel good
When I got no pain
An' that's how I'm gonna stay
An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not
Not me, not me

Comments

{shrug}

[grumpymonkey.livejournal.com]

Personally, I don't care how you handle your sex life. I'm not involved, seldom see you, and don't really know the real identities of most of the folks behind the LJ handles. So... you could say I am totally unbiased.

However, there is no such thing. Everyone has a bias, wether it's puritanical or fully libertine, we all have our opinions about the proper conduct of sexual affairs. If we didn't have biases, we wouldn't have sexual preferences, would we? So... no matter how subtle, you cannot escape the biases.

Now, if folks wish to discuss thier biases, that is there business. You can tell folks when they ask, post it up here, whatever. They can discuss it however they choose. If theyhappen to disagree with your choices, they have thier right to be hurt, disgusted, enthralled, enthiused or supportive of any choices you make public. That's America and Free Speech.

In my past, I have been something of a libertine. I have grown past that, and now enjoy monogamy and cannot imagine going back to being a 'playah'. Could have someting to do with being considerably older and slightly overweight... could be maturity... could be boredom with 'hooking up'. I dunno, don't care, that's where I am. In mytime as a 'man-whore' I did pick up a good lesson that applies here.

As much as I can sympathise with your being upset by any talk that is putting down your choices, I cannot say they are wrong. Y'all have your right to your opinions. Where things happen between freinds, there can be some serous conflict because the relationships are tighter and often have undercurrents of attraction and varying degrees of intimacy. In dealing with those situations, I find discretion is the best bet. I'm not talking about being a clam and saying nothing at all, but the closest thing to it. Never give out details. Never discuss anything about the time spent in a sexual situation with a freind or acquaintance, except with that person. If confronted with a question about that time, politely refuse to confirm or deny... don't kiss and tell. And I do mean kiss... no matter how intimate it got, don't share it. That's what intimacy is about. No matter how simple it may have been, even a cuddle and a peck on the cheek, it's intimacy and sharing it is betrayal.

If the rumors fly, if people chatter behind their hands about your affairs... that's thier business. If they spread lies, confront them but again, don't give out details. If a situation arises where someone who was with someone else gets with you, discuss it with the three of them only. If they share, again, it's thier business, but ask them to keep you out of it, as it's your privacy also.

You may think this sounds repressive. That's your bias if you do. Me, I see a way to do as you will without others making it thier social football to batter around. Do as you will, hurt noone, tell noone.

{chunks his two cents down and politely bows out}

Long-winded response

[holly-evolving.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. You have a conversational style that I find causes me to redefine things pretty regularly. I appreciate it; it helps me to improve the quality of what I say.

I don't make a habit of broadcasting details. Up until recently, I made wrong choices as to whom I trusted. I shouldn't have told people things. I used my LJ anonymously as a vent--but not anonymously enough. I like entertaining people, and I thought my life would serve...and apparently it does, because people still read my journal.

My main objective isn't hurting people. It's simply enjoying my life. And when I feel that I've been attacked unnecessarily, I am going to react. Then and only then do the gloves come off. People can believe what they want, it's true. But when they begin spreading lies about me, I will do whatever damage control I see fit. It's one thing to criticize me for being a slut. It's another thing entirely to invent details that didn't happen. Won't stop anyone, I know. But in the interest of attempting to keep people I care about from believing the lies told about me, I try to find the source and refute them.

This is not something that can usually be done. People hellbent on causing problems for others are usually pretty good at hiding in the shadows. But I refuse to admit guilt when I'm innocent. I apologize enough as it is. Sooner or later, being a better person turns into being a scapegoat.

As for intimacy--if it happened in public, I'm not going to deny it. If it happens in private and I'm asked, it depends on who/what/when. It feels really shitty to me when someone won't admit they've been involved with me. I know there are others out there who feel like they're someone's dirty little secret. So I make a point of finding out who wants to be in a secret relationship...and I avoid the hell out of them.

My goal is not to broadcast every detail of my love life. Some things get brought up in my journal...which people have the right not to read. This is, after all, my webspace. I pay for it, and I screen all comments before they are posted. In the end, I determine who knows what.

Problem is, I can't stop people from assuming. There isn't much point to trying. That wasn't the point of this post, though.

The point is: I am a slut. I'm happy that way. And if someone doesn't like it--I'm not shoving it in everyone's face. And if someone gives me shit about it in a public forum, I will respond and I will defend my right to do so.

There are things about being a slut that hurt people, but these things can be controlled. Being a slut, in and of itself, hurts no one.

I'm not out to bash monogamy. Or chastity. Or the desire for either. Or any morality that in and of itself doesn't hurt anyone. But I am what I am and there's no reason why I should cater to anyone else's view of what I should be.

Does the talk upset me? Not really. I say what I have to say and then I go back to my life. Which is fun and simple and beautiful, and full of people I love and want to spend time with. Everyone has the right to think what they want to think and say what they want to say--up until slander and libel. Those are illegal.

Free speech in America? Not for about 4 years now. Ask Opie and Anthony fans.

My mom used to tell me: "When someone asks you a question that you don't want to answer, ask them, 'Why do you want to know?' And don't give them an answer till they give you a satisfactory one."

No one has to read my LJ. No one has to read anything I post on the Church of Rock boards. No one has to ask me what's going on in my life. And changing the details in those forums in the first place backfired on me when someone found my LJ and told everyone he could think of where and who it was. Sooner or later, all truths come out. The gossips make sure of that. I just like to be hard to lie about.

Enough of this soapbox. I'm not even sure this is entirely coherent at this point. Time to grab some lunch.

Re: {shrug}

[holly-evolving.livejournal.com]

Also--and please understand that I intend no criticism, just commentary--for someone who doesn't care, you sure have a lot to say. I'll buy unbiased...but disinterested?

Re: {shrug}

[grumpymonkey.livejournal.com]

{chuckle}

Too true. Perhaps my own choice of words could do with a tune-up. When I say I don't care, I merely meant to illustrate my lack of attachment to the events presented. I have no vested personal interest in the subject matter involved. Unbiased.

Disinterested? Hardly. I enjoy the presentation of ideas and feelings, the interplay of points of view, the entire conversational process. When I have something to input, I usually do. At length. Exhaustively, much to the chagrin of many I talk with. :) So, where I had some nugget of wisdom culled from my past that applied, I had to offer it. I half-expected you to screen it and not present it, to cut down on the space used in your LJ. Luckily, you also enjoy conversation.

Please, don't take my offering as another attack. Your life should be led as you see fit. I have often noted it's difficult for everyone to see that, and to apply it to what they know of the lives of others. I'm a fairly private person, and a little bit of a loner, so it's easy for me to think analytically about situations. Sometimes, too much so.

The trash-talk of acquaintances is inevitable. Whenever large groups convene... wether in reallife or online, the talk goes around. It's far easier to chat privately with one person to vent a bad thought or opinion, than to toss it up for discussion where it may offend. That leads to miscommunication, gossip, and in some cases what you call libel and slander. Unfortunately, unless that talk effects your quality of life in a way that is easily measurable in the courtroom, it cannot be corrected by the law. This is why I offered my two cents on a way to handle things so they wouldn't occur as they have. An ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure, and all.

If lies, slander or libel (not sure which covers LJ) do occur, by all means, investigate and set the matters straight. I have no problem with that. I suppose it's my own personal desire to keep such inquiries and matters private that caused me to encourage a further dose of discretion.

I tend to be a creature who avoids drama like the plague. I don't like emotional issues to be drawn out in public. I don't like the he-said/she-said of modern social structures. Whenever something ugly can be avoided, I prefer that path. In some ways, your way is healthier, bringing tough issues into the open. In others, mine saves those involved the pain and confusion of perceived lies and/or slander.

All a big crap shoot, really. There is no answer, no single way to live and handle relationships. No owner's manual. So... I hope everything works out for the best with you, and hope you'll continue to let me monkey-chatter when the muse moves me.

GM

PS... free speech still works. Opie and Anthony started in Boston, where I grew up, and they were fired from there for slander, announcing on air that the mayor was dead. Ironic you choose that example for your rebuttal of free speech being curtailed by Dubya. I feel shock jocks are protected by the free speech amendments, but only whenn they are actually SAYING something. Gratuitous jabber for entertainment sake is also protected, but there are lines of decency and appropriate behavior that should be observed when something is presented for public consumption. Also, a business, like a radio station, should also be protected from it's employees by being allowed to correct and even fire it's jocks if they go outside the bounds set for them by law and company policy.

Re: {shrug}

[holly-evolving.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure where I stand on what counts as "too far" when it comes to free speech. After all, there are other stations on the radio. I was never an O&A fan--I found their material offensive. But I was a big fan of how much they pissed off the FCC.

I don't take your posts as an attack. I think you're more intelligent than most of the people I read, and you help me develop my own thoughts, for which I'm really grateful. I'm glad I make you do the same once in a while. "Now the teacher has become the student."

I completely understand where you're coming from about discretion, and I practise it in my own way. In some ways I'm really private. I mean, how many people know who I'm really talking about anymore? Or what I'm really saying?

I've noticed that the type of people who don't socialize on a big scale tend to be more analytical. I love to constantly be surrounded by friends, and I don't spend a lot of time analyzing as a result...I even like to be a bit of a headache to those who try to analyze me. (~Sorry Sully!~)

As for your monkey-babble, it's welcome here anytime. And I doubt I'll cut it, as I wouldn't want to garble your message.

Re: {shrug}

[holly-evolving.livejournal.com]

Oh, and we still have to get together for some cat steaks and blush wine.