My odd relationship with winter holidays

I'm an atheist. Always have been. I've tried not to be in the past, when I was a teenager and trying to belong. I've tried to be Protestant, Wiccan, Catholic, and Jewish. But always, this truth remained: I do not believe. Gods, saints, ghosts, fair folk: all are fiction to me. I have never, since childhood, seen the difference between holy books and fairy tales.

So, now that that's out of the way.

I celebrate xmas. Not Christmas, the Mass of Christ. That would involve accepting Jesus of Nazareth as the Christ, which I don't. Xmas.

Xmas is the holiday on the same day as Christmas, where I see my family, bask in their love, and give them gifts. My mother makes wonderful Christmas food, which I eat at her house, surrounded by our family, on xmas. I am pretty sure the rest of my family is celebrating Christmas. I don't mind. They are my family, and we don't have to think the same way.

Xmas is my atheist holiday. What is holy to me is family, love, friends. I don't worship, but still these things are sacred to me, and this is one of the many days on which I celebrate them. The big difference between xmas and birthdays is that no one person is being celebrated on xmas. It's my family as a whole, both born and chosen.