Wild weekend

So, it starts with getting out of work Friday at 7:30. The night was so amazing...I've gotten into that already. Well, around 10:00 I couldn't take it anymore, and I went up North to hang out with Will, Julie, and Paulie. I crashed on Will and Julie's floor, and went down to Ocean Grove the next morning to hang out with Cliff.

So we're on Saturday now. I had plans to hang with Cliff around 1, but what with people having jobs and needing to boot me early, I'm at the beach by 10 AM. So I call him early. We hang out on the beach, we wander Ocean Grove, we hang out on the beach some more, and we go driving. Cliff says he wants to take care of me someday, and I believe him. I don't know how I feel about that. For those of you who don't know him, Cliff is Das Ubermench. He's tall, blond, blue-eyed, and gorgeous. He has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, a biology degree, and an e-business that is so far making him 6K a month. And he's only 23. He's also incredibly upstanding and wholesome. I must be impossible for him to comprehend. We drive around, we listen to Dave Matthews, we have Chinese buffet. I then hoof it back across the state because I was supposed to hang out with Tom. But Tom flaked on me, which I'm used to. So instead I head over to fatherdog's and we watch anime. Vampire Princess Miyu TV series and Petshop of Horrors. I strongly recommend both. They each contained one of my favorite elements to any anime: something extremely cute and demonic. I want Shiina! I crash at FatherDog's.

Sunday: sleep in. Have dinner with fatherdog and family. His mom gives me a lead on an editing job (I hope I hope I hope that would be so perfect). I'm supposed to head to New Brunswick, but prometheus flakes on me. So it's back up North. Bill and Julie and I go out to dinner, and I crash on their floor again.

Monday: Bill plays hooky to hang out with me. We eat lunch/breakfast in the park. I get the brilliant idea to get a salad to throw to the ducks. Ducks, it turns out, don't like salad. New wisdom: You can give a duck a salad, but you can't make it eat. Next time I'll add croutons. I stop over at CompUSA to visit Paulie, who is getting out of work. We wander the Garden State Plaza for a bit. I get ice cream and coffee. I then head to Neptune to visit Eric who has just returned from Hong Kong. He's got mild OCD, he's a Swede, he's a Virgo, he's 29, and he's divorced. He's also hot, intelligent, a geek, in the SCA, and totally fun. Balanced. He brought me back a jade necklace and a silk kimono. A red one. Hot.

Tuesday: I drive home, grab my laundry, and head up to mom's. I manage to stay awake long enough to get the second load into the dryer, and then I pass out. Mom is sick, so we're the nap twins. I pick up the clean clothes and head down to Marc's for Queer Eye around 6. Marc and I have ANOTHER argument, work out some more crap, and then he passes out. And so here I am.

I work Wed-Fri this week. I'm lucky I work 10 hour days, or I'd be screwed. I was trying to work out a job with Navigant consulting (they said I was hired!) but I've heard nothing for a while. Time to move on. I hate this crap. If it weren't for money, my life would be perfect right now. I'm enjoying being single. These past few weeks have been amazing. It was really scary and depressing at first, but now there's almost nothing I would give it up for.

Platypus

Another step on the quest for apotheosis

Mage: You can bend and twist reality to your whims
as long as you are willing to pay the price.
Knowledge fuels you, and spurs you to new and
challenging heights on a regular basis. Magic
is your tool of choice, and no matter how you
invoke its power, you can control and shape it
to your whims. You try to slowly change
consensual reality in order to allow others to
experience your power, as well as lessen the
negative effects of casting your spells. One
day you hope to transcend this mortal husk that
binds you and become something greater.


What type of World of Darkness Creature Are You?
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Oh, I hope so

What will your Funeral be like? by rashock
Username
You will die by:	You die in sweet bliss while having sex with your lover or partner. Seems they were so good your heart couldn't stand it and stopped. Talk about a heart breaker, but at least everyone sees you inyour casket with a smile of your face.
Death Date:	September 23, 2035
Number attending your funeral?	117
How much will you leave to friends and family?	$4,401,187
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

Enough of this foolishness!

Attempt at sleep #2.

Platypus

Shocker!

Saytr. It doesn't matter what you are passionate
about, you are a passionate individual. Yes,
you have heard the stereotype before: all
satyrs really want is sex, but you know that is
not true. Even if your passion is sexual in
nature; that does not mean that it is the only
thing one can be passionate about. You enjoy
your life to the fullest, and you pay little
head to those who would call you a hedonist.
You are happy, that is all that really matters.


What Type of Changeling Are You? (Now Including Pictures for Each Kith)
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Seriousness

So I have to work Saturday, which means there's not much point in me stopping by T&A war. I might on Sunday anyway, but Saturday night is all about Late October.

I wish I understood what happened. There were a bunch of really cool people that I got along with 2 years ago, and then all of a sudden they didn't seem to want me around. I don't know what I did. Then this past winter, for reasons I still haven't been told, people I thought really liked me and felt bad that that had happened to me did the exact same thing. It's not that I feel the need to be friends with any of them anymore--far from it, although in some cases it would be nice. I just want to know what the hell happened.

I get into these funks where it feels like no one has time for me. And then people wonder why I act surprised when they show any interest. My group of friends is constantly shifting because it's like I'm on a time share and they can't all care about my life at once. They have to take turns.

I've done a lot of thinking as to why I am the way I am nowadays, and while I certainly don't understand completely, this is what I've got so far:
I don't know when it started, but somewhere along the line I lost the ability to view myself as other than a sex object. I can put on a really good show about how cool I am, but when it comes down to it, the only talents I've ever really developped were directly related to sex. I have trouble believing that other people see any value in me, and so I assume that they'll get bored with me eventually. I run away from relationships because I believe that the other person doesn't care. Or I get into relationships that I know won't work because people need help, and if I'm helping someone, then I'm valuable to them for something other than sex. I'm taking this time to be single to find out if there's more to me than that. I hope there is. I just have no idea what.

But this isn't always true. Sometimes I'm aware of the power I can have. I write real poetry...I just don't know why I stopped sharing it. I can be really kind, and funny, and insightful. I've had the priveledge of having some amazing experiences, and I've been able to relate them so that others can understand.

But lately I've just been living on the surface, not dealing with what's going on internally. Part of it is how burned I got the last time I opened up. Part of it, undoubtedly, is that I fear making others uncomfortable.

The truth is, there's a hole in my heart. I don't know what made it, but it's been there a long time. And no amout of love, or sex, or trust, or affection seems to be enough to close it. It just keeps bleeding. When I'm at my happiest, it still doesn't take much work to pull me down. I'm ready to feel bad.

Sometimes people think that the thing to do with me is to just be gentle and not say anything that they think might upset me. But I always know. I've spent a lot of time on the outside looking in, and I've gotten really good at judging when I have that perspective.

I don't know much of the truth in my life. I'm doing what I can to remedy that, but there's only so much I can do on my own. This is difficult for me to accept.

Platypus

MIndlessness

I have read all of Stick Boy and Slither to date. www.boasas.com

I blame promethius.

Platypus