Hell

[holly_evolving]

Every time I am faced with death, I am faced with my father's over again. I see him in every casket. Every time someone close to me loses someone, I relive that phone call. I never got to say goodbye. And in the weeks that followed, everyone said they were sorry from a distance. No one came to see me. I was alone with Craig and he was wonderful to me then, supporting me and crying with me for a man he'd only seen alive once. But my friends? Where were they? This is what I remember when I see death. My father is dead, and I am alone. And he was the only one who truly knew what it was for me to be alone. Since his death, I have lost him over again half a dozen times, and as I am young, there will be many, many more. But I don't think this pain will ever lessen.

I want my daddy.

Comments

[alphafemale1.livejournal.com]

Hey. I don't really know what to say to this...but I wanted you to know I was thinking about you.

[vampire-scion.livejournal.com]

I lost my father recently. He and I were very close-- and I do believe I was his best friend. Sometimes things were bad between us. But all I know is he is dead now and I can't go back and change things, fix things, or make things better. I'm happy for the time I had when things were good. I try to remeber those times, and yes, sometimes I do cry-- but I can also smile when I think of him. And I think of what parts of me are the same as the parts of him that I loved, that made me proud of him or him proud of me. And I'm thankful that he was a part of my life (even though he was responsible for messing me up in major ways as well).
And for my friends-- they offered me their love and support. Many were there for me when I needed them. Some of them weren't there, some of them couln't be there, and some of them just simply did not want to be there to watch my pain. But I still love my friends-- because they are my friends, and I know they love me.
I am a very lonely man, even surrounded by people. While I sometimes wish I had my father, because he understood, but I know part of him is always with me-- and that makes me feel a little less lonely. It also makes me appreciate the time I still have ahead of me. It makes me want to spend that time doing the best I can. It pushes me forward. It makes me want to be a better person.
I'm prety sure that's what my dad would have wanted me to do.