Realization
Dec. 16th, 2006 04:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
holly_evolvingI've been living through the past two months in a sort of haze, where I understood that things had been wrong between me and Craig, but I didn't really understand them. I've come to see something, thanks to how emotionally stunted I feel right now.
I was so focused on what I needed from Craig that I refused to see his inability to meet those needs. The more the evidence pointed to this, the narrower my view became. I was holding on to him desperately, as if by clinging as hard as I could for as long as I could, I could somehow will things to be right. Part of me knew he didn't love me, but I couldn't admit it and I couldn't let him go.
I'm not saying I'm all strong and wise now, but at least I understand that much.
And thanks to my godmother, I can now afford to Christmas shop. Every gift I've bought for the last 10 years has been bought with her gift to me. I hate being poor.
I was so focused on what I needed from Craig that I refused to see his inability to meet those needs. The more the evidence pointed to this, the narrower my view became. I was holding on to him desperately, as if by clinging as hard as I could for as long as I could, I could somehow will things to be right. Part of me knew he didn't love me, but I couldn't admit it and I couldn't let him go.
I'm not saying I'm all strong and wise now, but at least I understand that much.
And thanks to my godmother, I can now afford to Christmas shop. Every gift I've bought for the last 10 years has been bought with her gift to me. I hate being poor.