A Mobius Strip Is What Happens When You Tell Time To Fuck Itself

[holly_evolving]

I'm going to Wizards tomorrow night (11/01). Come find me!

Things to do tomorrow:
-Call new therapist
-Pack stuff at Craig's
-Take to storage
-Get food from mom's
-Drink 1 qt of water and hold by 1PM
-1:45 Dr. appt
-Pee like a motherfucker
-Go to work to participate in group interview--won't be able to prep what with the Dr.
-Do laundry
-Call and check on status of Lexapro authorization
-Go back to Craig's, pack more stuff
-Go home, get changed
-Go to Wizards
-Go home, flop

I gave in today. I accepted a prescription for Lexapro. I can't live like this anymore.

Saw Craig tonight. Gave him the other news. Wasn't sure I was going to tell him, but there he was at Dunkin. I almost drove away without stopping in, but then I thought "I shouldn't run away. We have to deal with each other, and I was coming here before he was." So I went back, and I told him, and I hung out with some friends. When I'm with people, it's not so bad. It's when there's no one physically present that I really start unravelling.

Here's the thing: the relationship died, only I didn't know it. It was this zombie. And then Craig shot it in the head and it died died, only I got left behind as the ghost. And I'm fettered to my old life. I can't let it go. Can't sleep, can barely eat. Cry too much, don't talk enough. Hence giving in and agreeing to drugs. If I were myself, I'd be fighting them with every breath. But I'm not me anymore. I'm not drowning; I'm the water, and the current pulling what used to be me under.

This therapist better read my LJ.