So...shit. It's been a while.
Jan. 24th, 2014 07:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
holly_evolvingUm.
I'm getting divorced. It's almost done with.
I had an affair. Believe me, there were reasons, but I'm not going to discuss them publicly. I can't excuse it, but I don't know that I could have done differently.
I left the apartment rather than make Jay leave, and once I was out...I just couldn't go back. Marriage, domesticity, monogamy: these things are not for me. Doesn't make them bad, just...I was doing what was smart and correct rather than what was honestly right for me. I hate that I hurt people in the process of figuring that out.
But again, I am deliberately leaving out half of the story. It's not for public consumption.
I started a new job on November 3. Customer service call center work, 4am-12pm, but I get to do it from home in my pajamas. So that's actually really good.
I moved in with the guy (Steve). I needed a place to go and he offered. I was staying with a friend (name withheld to protect the innocent) but his girlfriend was not cool with having a houseguest and was making things really difficult for him. I was talking to Steve about it and the shitty situation it was, and he offered me his home. So I took him up on it.
Yes, we're in a relationship. I'm not sure what to call it but it's good. It makes sense to me - it feels right. Conventional wisdom says it isn't, but it's working really well. We've both been through some shit - him waaaaaaaaay more than me, to be fair - and we're helping each other heal now.
And our cats get along.
So, new job, new home, new relationship. I wiped and rerolled.
Speaking of relationships. I am polyamorous. I probably always have been. I have spent most of my romantic life trying very hard not to be, and failing, over and over. This is who I am, and I'm not going to hide it or fight it anymore. Nothing else works for me.
So yeah.
Still not dead.
I'm getting divorced. It's almost done with.
I had an affair. Believe me, there were reasons, but I'm not going to discuss them publicly. I can't excuse it, but I don't know that I could have done differently.
I left the apartment rather than make Jay leave, and once I was out...I just couldn't go back. Marriage, domesticity, monogamy: these things are not for me. Doesn't make them bad, just...I was doing what was smart and correct rather than what was honestly right for me. I hate that I hurt people in the process of figuring that out.
But again, I am deliberately leaving out half of the story. It's not for public consumption.
I started a new job on November 3. Customer service call center work, 4am-12pm, but I get to do it from home in my pajamas. So that's actually really good.
I moved in with the guy (Steve). I needed a place to go and he offered. I was staying with a friend (name withheld to protect the innocent) but his girlfriend was not cool with having a houseguest and was making things really difficult for him. I was talking to Steve about it and the shitty situation it was, and he offered me his home. So I took him up on it.
Yes, we're in a relationship. I'm not sure what to call it but it's good. It makes sense to me - it feels right. Conventional wisdom says it isn't, but it's working really well. We've both been through some shit - him waaaaaaaaay more than me, to be fair - and we're helping each other heal now.
And our cats get along.
So, new job, new home, new relationship. I wiped and rerolled.
Speaking of relationships. I am polyamorous. I probably always have been. I have spent most of my romantic life trying very hard not to be, and failing, over and over. This is who I am, and I'm not going to hide it or fight it anymore. Nothing else works for me.
So yeah.
Still not dead.