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Apr. 21st, 2004 10:23 pmCliff (das ubermench) asked me to post this email he sent me because he doesn't have an LJ and I don't have a code to give him....I have some really amazing friends.
"Where to begin here? I know you didn't write this entry just to illicit responses from people. Forgive me, then, for doing so anyway.
I think that you sell your friends short in some respects, dear. And by friends, I don't mean the transient sort that is "constantly shifting" as you mention... I mean those of us who know enough about you to realize that you really are special.
..."just remember that you are special... just like everybody else!"
I remember reading that somewhere... pretty amusing. I almost want to avoid using that word with you because it is so hackneyed that the meaning has been lost most times, but if anyone is, truly you are. I admire you as much as anyone does, and if I had to put the sentiment into any one reason, it would have to be that despite the hardship you've faced you are still striving to find your own truth. The other day I in the car I asked you about our kindred similarity, because although I know there is something, it didn't hit me at the time. But that's it... you're one of those few who will never, I believe, exhaust yourself of wanting to learn about the truth in your life. In some alternate universe, we are the same.
Here though, we are very different, you and I. It seems that of my sphere of influence you are the glitch in the matrix, and from the friends I've met of yours, I suppose you'd say the same thing about me. But I do share something in common with those of them who you'd call your real friends.. we realize how lovely you are, more than you do. I suppose sometimes when this comes across to you in some way or another it may not find you the right way... like from me, when I try to tell you that some people in your life don't deserve your time or the ability to affect your outlook about yourself. That is not judgement. Communicating the way someone cares isn't always easy to decipher. For those of us you trust, please try. As for the rest of them ... the gossipers, the jealous, the petty... I tell them, save your venom for someone more appropriate. Try to convince those of us who really know her at all that she is anything other than a great spirit, I dare you. But all this aside.
You also sell yourself short. If I could wish anything for you, it would be that you keep the desire to find out about yourself (as alive as it is now) your whole life, and that you'd have the faith to let me in on whatever you find out from time to time. Me and your other true friends... because we care, we won't judge, and are interested in you for you. If you can keep that alive, you'll find the peace you are looking for. And we're here to help should you need it. I know I am.
I suppose I have to explain something about 'interest'. As you know I have been attracted to you for some time. You must know by now that my interest in you is not because of this reason... and I (have kept and) keep my attraction dormant, among other reasons, so that you can be sure that the value I see in you has nothing to do with your surface. You can choose to believe either one of two things at this point; either that you really are of no value outside of the physical, or that you have value elsewhere - that you simply must find. I have already found it, and if my intentions were not true, you'd have known by now. So never doubt that there is something great in you; I wish you could see what I see.
I admire that you are going to stay single - and I agree that it will help you learn about your own value. I will not try to take that away from you, as I never have. It isn't easy... trust me, i know. But things that are worth it can't be easy.. that's the point. Remember the time you were very mad at me? You know what Im talking about. Be mad if you must for that. Wasn't trying to get you to like me there!
You know that my love for you is the objective kind. No one can give you the peace you're looking for, it will be a gift to yourself when you find it. I can tell you that it is the greatest of things.. I want you to know it like I do. I want to play a part in helping you to get it, but really I'm not sure if that's how it works. I'm sure though that you'll find it if you keep looking, and those of us who really care will wait for that patiently in the meanwhile, and rejoice for you when you find it.
You can do more than you think you can. You are more than you think you are. You'll find, as I have, that you don't really need anyone else to discover this. But we'll be here to help you anyway... that's what friends do.
Monkeys.
-Cliff"
"Where to begin here? I know you didn't write this entry just to illicit responses from people. Forgive me, then, for doing so anyway.
I think that you sell your friends short in some respects, dear. And by friends, I don't mean the transient sort that is "constantly shifting" as you mention... I mean those of us who know enough about you to realize that you really are special.
..."just remember that you are special... just like everybody else!"
I remember reading that somewhere... pretty amusing. I almost want to avoid using that word with you because it is so hackneyed that the meaning has been lost most times, but if anyone is, truly you are. I admire you as much as anyone does, and if I had to put the sentiment into any one reason, it would have to be that despite the hardship you've faced you are still striving to find your own truth. The other day I in the car I asked you about our kindred similarity, because although I know there is something, it didn't hit me at the time. But that's it... you're one of those few who will never, I believe, exhaust yourself of wanting to learn about the truth in your life. In some alternate universe, we are the same.
Here though, we are very different, you and I. It seems that of my sphere of influence you are the glitch in the matrix, and from the friends I've met of yours, I suppose you'd say the same thing about me. But I do share something in common with those of them who you'd call your real friends.. we realize how lovely you are, more than you do. I suppose sometimes when this comes across to you in some way or another it may not find you the right way... like from me, when I try to tell you that some people in your life don't deserve your time or the ability to affect your outlook about yourself. That is not judgement. Communicating the way someone cares isn't always easy to decipher. For those of us you trust, please try. As for the rest of them ... the gossipers, the jealous, the petty... I tell them, save your venom for someone more appropriate. Try to convince those of us who really know her at all that she is anything other than a great spirit, I dare you. But all this aside.
You also sell yourself short. If I could wish anything for you, it would be that you keep the desire to find out about yourself (as alive as it is now) your whole life, and that you'd have the faith to let me in on whatever you find out from time to time. Me and your other true friends... because we care, we won't judge, and are interested in you for you. If you can keep that alive, you'll find the peace you are looking for. And we're here to help should you need it. I know I am.
I suppose I have to explain something about 'interest'. As you know I have been attracted to you for some time. You must know by now that my interest in you is not because of this reason... and I (have kept and) keep my attraction dormant, among other reasons, so that you can be sure that the value I see in you has nothing to do with your surface. You can choose to believe either one of two things at this point; either that you really are of no value outside of the physical, or that you have value elsewhere - that you simply must find. I have already found it, and if my intentions were not true, you'd have known by now. So never doubt that there is something great in you; I wish you could see what I see.
I admire that you are going to stay single - and I agree that it will help you learn about your own value. I will not try to take that away from you, as I never have. It isn't easy... trust me, i know. But things that are worth it can't be easy.. that's the point. Remember the time you were very mad at me? You know what Im talking about. Be mad if you must for that. Wasn't trying to get you to like me there!
You know that my love for you is the objective kind. No one can give you the peace you're looking for, it will be a gift to yourself when you find it. I can tell you that it is the greatest of things.. I want you to know it like I do. I want to play a part in helping you to get it, but really I'm not sure if that's how it works. I'm sure though that you'll find it if you keep looking, and those of us who really care will wait for that patiently in the meanwhile, and rejoice for you when you find it.
You can do more than you think you can. You are more than you think you are. You'll find, as I have, that you don't really need anyone else to discover this. But we'll be here to help you anyway... that's what friends do.
Monkeys.
-Cliff"