holly_evolving: (Default)
1) boyfriend. Still with Jay. It's awesome.
2) family. Sometimes their political views confuse me, but they are an awesome family and we have lots of fun and I love them, so it evens out.
3) friends. I've been hermit-ish lately. I need to work on that.
4) kitty. Registering him with the town. His health seems good, although he's down a pound to 11 since we moved. Will be asking the vet for advice when I pick up his special food this Saturday.
5) apartment. The landlord has been having trouble getting the contractors to do the work on the new apartment up to standard, so we haven't moved into it yet. It's supposed to happen at the end of this month now. Frustrating, since I can't unpack my stuff. Also, what is wrong with contractors? This has been since June.
6) job. Working for the SSAT Board - www.ssat.org - as someone who is not a fan at all of the way the current private school system functions, it's a weird job for me. But I get to treat private school parents like they're not special, so that's nice.* A couple of my coworkers have some religious and philosophical views that I find...well, frankly insane, but they're all really nice and we still have plenty of good conversations when we're not busy on the phones.
7) health. I'm doing research on private health insurance. I'm pretty sure that I can afford it while I'm on this temp assignment, but it's what happens after this job ends in February that has me worried. It takes 3-6 weeks on average to find me a new job, and unemployment pays less than half of what I earned. I'll have to see what kind of savings I can build up.
8) money. I have no bad debt, and $1200 left on my student loan. So this insurance thing is possible.
9) politics. On www.politicalcompass.org, I graph as -7.8, -3.5. I'm pro public funding (within reason), pro choice, AND pro death penalty. Hi, I'm weird.
10) WoW (that's World of Warcraft, relatives!). My night elf druid hit level 60, and I made a death knight. I love this game.

*My issue is multi-faceted. Why do private schools that receive tuition from parents also receive any government funding? This takes funding away from public and special-needs schools. Also, and this is one problem that I can't fathom a way out of, private schools existing contributes to the deterioration of public schools. Think about it: if parents counldn't remove their kids from the public system, they'd be more willing to approve tax increases that go to the funding of public schools. There are flaws there, but the argument is basically sound. Problem is, some public schools have gotten so bad from lack of funding that parents would riot if they had to send their kids there now. What do you do?

***Kevin makes a really good point about this in the comments. Read before you reply!***

Brain Dump

Aug. 14th, 2009 09:51 am
holly_evolving: (Bandana Girl)
So what would YOU put on a T shirt?

http://www.cafepress.com/squiggly

I've been borrowing Jay's car for the past couple of days while he carpools with a coworker who lives in our complex. I had to get my brakes done: front & rear brakes & rotors, and rear calipers. And yet, it's the cheapest brake job I've ever had done. I question the honesty of north Jersey mechanics.

So, I've been reading www.crazyauntpurl.com lately, and beyond making me want to learn to knit, it's made me want to figure out how I became such an angry person. I carry it around with me and it gets in the way sometimes. And of course it's not just one event, it's lots of them, and bad timing, and people hurting my feelings and breaking my trust. But one thing among them is standing out at the moment, so I thought I might get it out.

Marc H. )

BUT! I'm taking Heather to the Faire tomorrow! So you know that means pictures. AND I caught up on paying down my student loan this morning.



This song always makes me nostalgic for the nomad days:

We spotted the ocean at the head of the trail
Where are we going, so far away
And somebody told me that this is the place
Where everything's better, everything's safe
Walk on the ocean
Step on the stones
Flesh becomes water
Wood becomes bone
And half and hour later we packed up our things
We said we'd send letters and all those little things
And they knew we were lying but they smiled just the same
It seemed they'd already forgotten we'd came

Now we're back at the homestead
Where the air makes you choke
And people don't know you
And trust is a joke
We don't even have pictures
Just memories to hold
That grow sweeter each season
As we slowly grow old

"Walk On the Ocean"--Toad the Wet Sprocket
holly_evolving: (Lily Toon)
This conversation happened via email, and should be read from the bottom to the top (note timestamps).

---------------------------------------------

From: Loretta
Sent: Tuesday, August 11, 2009 3:18 PM
To: Jason'
Subject: RE: OMG

O.O

She was my HERO.

---------------------------------------------------------

From: Jason
Sent: Tuesday, August 11, 2009 3:17 PM
To: Loretta
Subject: RE: OMG

no idea. i'll look into it.
--------------------------------------------------


From: Loretta
Sent: Tuesday, August 11, 2009 3:16 PM
To: Jason
Subject: RE: OMG

OH MY GOD GRACE O’MALLEY WAS IT FILMED???????

---------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jason
Sent: Tuesday, August 11, 2009 3:15 PM
To: Loretta
Subject: RE: OMG

Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schönberg's The Pirate Queen, the spectacular new musical from the authors of Les Misérables and Miss Saigon, comes to Broadway following a world premiere engagement in Chicago. Tony Award-winner Frank Galati directs.

The Pirate Queen is an epic musical adventure celebrating the legendary Irish Chieftain Grace O'Malley. Based on her real-life story, the musical tells of a compelling, inspirational woman; a heroine who led an extraordinary life as a pirate, chieftain, lover and mother in 16th Century Ireland. Commissioned and produced by Moya Doherty and John McColgan, the producers of Riverdance, this new musical combines classic storytelling and a sweeping score, with the powerful, vibrant traditions of Irish dance and song, to create a modern musical event that is both an historic romance and a timeless epic.

Opened on April 5, 2007
Closed on June 17, 2007

-----------------------------------------------------------

From: Loretta
Sent: Tuesday, August 11, 2009 3:13 PM
To: Jason
Subject: OMG

There was a movie or musical or something out in NY in June of 2007 called Pirate Queen. What is it??? I. MUST. KNOW!
holly_evolving: (Default)
I'm joining a gym on Monday. I would have joined today, but there's a discount for couples and some other pricing thingies to look at, so I will look at them with Jay, and then I will join. Maybe he will join with me.

This gym has a pool. This is important.

I bought a bathing suit today. It cost me $132, which is more than I've spent on an article of clothing for myself in nearly a decade (I have this amazing brocade & velvet gown), but it was totally worth it. It's plain black, ruched in all the right places, doesn't make any unnecessary bulges, it's got fully functional underwires, and people.........

It doesn't show one INCH of my cleavage.

This is the gym suit I hoped for but didn't believe could exist. When I put it on, I look perfectly ordinary.
holly_evolving: (Default)
Date night on a miserable rainy night with a nearly-but-not-quite healed lump on my head = takeout sushi and catching up on TrueBlood. Lovely way to spend the night with my honey.

Friday night is 80s night at QXT with Melissa and possibly my bro. More people should come.

Saturday Justin and [livejournal.com profile] dagdalorijane are coming over for a WOW day.

Sunday is Midsummer Faire with [livejournal.com profile] dagdalorijane and [livejournal.com profile] cosmic_hiccup.

Jay's grandma thinks I'm pretty. :D

In reverse

Jul. 21st, 2009 10:00 am
holly_evolving: (kapow)
I was sick yesterday with the heartburn that ate Tokyo, and I figured continuing the sleep deprivation of the last few weeks would only make it worse, so I stayed home and slept till 2:30 or so. Then I got the Burning Crusade (finally), so should I want to, I can make a Drannei. I soloed King Mukla in Booty Bay and made level 43, then decided my headache was bad enough and signed out. I really need new glasses. Spent the evening snuggled with Jay and watching Burn Notice, then took some Benadryl and went to bed early.

I'm currently reading The King's Grace, because everyone who reads Elizabethan fiction eventually moves on to Henrician.

Rewind to Sunday:
Breakfast with Jay and Melissa at the country diner. Maybe I shouldn't have had the potato pancakes? But they were so good!
Jay and I returned [livejournal.com profile] fatherdog's car to his house, then drove up to Waldwick for the mass family birthday party. Thanks to turnpike traffic, I missed my mom's cousin OC (Owen Charles). Still had a nice time with the family, and Jay cut through all the Dell bs to get my aunt's internet and wireless printer up and running. I cook, he networks. We are useful couple!
We stopped by Wanaque to pick up some more stuff from the apartment, but it was 8 PM and I was exhausted, so we didn't get as much as we could have. Picked up my lil coffee pot, though. Now I just have to get some white vinegar to clean it.
Also, Sunday was my birthday. I am officially 29 and proud of it. Thank you everyone who wished me a happy. Got a couple of nice lil prezzies, but more importantly, people kind of made a fuss about me. I like fusses when they're happy.

Saturday:
Got up around 10 to drive out to Clinton for an 11:30 oil change...which the owner never bothered to inform his mechanics that he had scheduled, so let me tell you, they were THRILLED to see me 30 minutes before close. But, it got done. Then we went over to WalMart and got a couple of camp chairs, and stopped for sushi lunch before going home to shower and play video games.
Melissa came by around 4 and we hung out till Dave showed up around 6, and then we went to Ewing for a Bear Tavern party & BBQ. It was madness on par with the usual. Objects of interest were a cute baby, a broken rusty trampoline, a pair of agitated mini schnauzers, a moth, cookies, Dancing Bill, and a pile of cushions on the floor. I laughed till I hurt, which in retrospect may have contributed to the evil, evil heartburn, but fsck it. Also, if you own hentai and get married, your spouse now also owns hentai and needs to accept that. Photos/video if I get them.
Got to see Aaron before he moved away to Seattle, so that was bittersweet.
[livejournal.com profile] fatherdog got drunker than I've seen him since college, so after putting some water in him, we decided to drive him home and call it a night.

Friday:
Went to the Red Rooster Grill in Flemington with Jay and had a lovely fancy-pants dinner. The place is Zagat rated Excellent. Om nom a nom nom. Then we went to see Potter. I understand why the detractors don't like it, but honestly I was perfectly satisfied. There is also already some good fan-parody out about it. It is kinda weird how ripped Rupert Grint is. His biceps are as big as my head.

Tonight's plan is to visit with Travis and Kelly for a bit, and give Kelly some of Flap's extra things that Jay and I don't need anymore now that the kitty has only one home.
holly_evolving: (Default)
*begin nutshell*
Leafstone called me today. They want my updated resume, and they may have a receptionist gig in the works for me till I move. I'm not getting my hopes up, since they haven't yet performed for me at all, but hey. Any help is good. Meanwhile, I'm working on samples for my brother's business.

So I think I'm going to make eggs Benedict tomorrow. Have I ever made Hollandaise sauce? Why no, no I haven't. Nor have I separated an egg since the fifth grade. Let's see if it's like riding a bike for me.

Weight it dropping slowly, a few ounces a day overall. Good thing I like step aerobics.

Jay bought me new sneakers. He's so awesome.
*/nutshell*
holly_evolving: (Default)
Because he thinks my shorn head is cute and he can't keep his hands off it.
holly_evolving: (Default)
So, I explained to Jay last night that I'm scared of moving in with him. It goes like this: once upon a time, I loved Craig and trusted him very much. Then, without warning, he dumped me and threw me out and I was homeless. Luckily for me, [livejournal.com profile] polyemtgirl and her man are very good people and they took me in. Still, it was incredibly traumatic for me, and it really rocked my faith in myself.

So now I've been with Jay for a year and a half, and I'm moving down here in July. Possibly sooner. And I love Jay and I trust him, and I don't forsee any problems. Just like before. I definitely WANT to move in with him, but this fear is real and I think only time will lessen it.

Jay is very understanding of this and all my other neuroses, and I'm really grateful for that.

I think I surprised him in that I understand that he is having some anxiety about it, too. For a little while now, he's lived on his own and done what he wanted with his home, and he didn't have to accommodate anyone. But before that, he had to build his life around what someone else wanted. I can imagine it must be very hard to have to go back to that, especially when the first time around ended badly.

I'm glad we're getting a two-bedroom place with an office. That way there's a room that's just his, and a room that's just mine, within a home that we have together. I think that's the best plan.

So that's where I'm at right now.
holly_evolving: (Default)
Is about five words from him, and I'm a functional human being again. This is one of the awesome things he does for me.

Cozy

Jan. 14th, 2009 11:07 am
holly_evolving: (Default)
Jay brought me a space heater.

I haven't been turning my heat up...in my drafty, drafty apartment. So most days, I've been too cold to do anything except curl up under a blanket or get the hell out. The last gas bill was $268. I only pay half of that, but still. Insane for an apartment.

But now I can put the space heater in any room I'm in, and be warm enough to get things done.

It's the little things.

My little heater that could )
holly_evolving: (Default)
I'm thinking of all the issues I need to go over with a therapist. Anxiety, depression, bad conditioning...things I can recognize, but can't seem to overcome by myself. I have the support of my friends, family, and incredible boyfriend to help me get through these things, but what I really want is to overcome them. I think regaining my confidence is key, but I can't think how to do that. Remember confident me? I do. I remember what life was like when I didn't stop to wonder if people wanted to hear me sing, I just sang because I wanted to. I remember not being afraid to talk to people. And I remember not being afraid to be alone.

See, that's the worst part, the part I really hate. I cannot, cannot feel secure in the idea that no, everyone in my life will not just up and leave me one day, no matter how hard I try to be extra good, and no matter how much that fear drives me to BE extra good. It is a self-repairing issue, though. I want to stop with the crazy so I don't drive people away, so as as soon as I can afford it I'm going to hunt down a therapist I can work with, deal with the crazy, and overcome this fear.

I really need to recondition myself so that happiness and anxiety are no longer in direct correlation...that is to say that right now, the happier I am, the more afraid I am of losing that happiness. It's a toxic mindset, and it's been the force behind my self-sabotage for a few years now.

I will not let this conquer me. I can see it now, and take steps to stop the chain reaction before it begins. That will do until I can do more. And I will correct this. It's only a matter of time.
holly_evolving: (Bandana Girl)
Picked up an 8-gig memory stick for the camera today...3744 pictures. Yum. A new era in my digital life is dawning, and it will be very pretty. And probably have lots of pictures of Mudflap.

Also got a bucket o cookies from mom today. Double yum. Not to be confused with Bubble Yum.

Hey, does anyone else miss grape Bubble Tape? I probably wouldn't like it now, but the memories are good.

Jason picked up a new refillable CO2-based airspray cleaner. The cartridges are very pretty; they look like rainbow copper bullets.

O.O

Dec. 27th, 2008 04:31 pm
holly_evolving: (fart)
Jason bought me a digital camera.
holly_evolving: (B/W Sluagh)
Colposcopy set for January 7. Why couldn't they wait to tell me till the new year? Now I'm going to have this hanging over my head and be on the verge of a panic attack through Xmas. Maybe there's something more permanent they could do. It's not like I'm going to have kids.

Going to see Jason's family tonight. Got up early so I could shower and be all pretty.

Man, I did not need this right now.

I pwn life

Dec. 19th, 2008 03:10 am
holly_evolving: (card)
QXT TRIP! SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27! YOU WANT TO BE THERE!

Getting ready for Christmakwanzahannukahmadanule...hereafter referred to by me as Xmas. Shopping is DONE. Wrapping is nowhere near started. Got prezzies from my godmother already; she takes very good care of me.

Bills are paid! And I'm not flat broke!

I hope the snow is not too bad. Jason's father invited me to come along to his company's holiday party, and I really want to go. How freaking awesome is it that his family likes me so much? Very awesome, that's how awesome.

Saw Mark from BitterX for probably the last time tonight. He's playing with them all weekend, but I can't make the far away shows. He's moving to San Diego in January. Their new bass player is technically very good, but he hasn't really bonded with the crowd yet. I bet we seem pretty intimidating. Rabid fans usually are.

Weight loss is on track. Not anywhere near where I intended to be at this point, but the disastrous spinout of a month ago has been corrected. I just have to maintain the slow and steady thing, and it'll be all good.
holly_evolving: (sad girl)
If I were my cat, I wouldn't have to worry about the ice storm outside my window. I wouldn't have to get up for work in a little while, so the noise of it waking me up would be no big deal. And I wouldn't have a car with old windshield wiper blades and two old tires to worry about driving in it. Or hoping that by the time I get to my car, the ice will have melted off. And worrying that it won't. Or wondering where the money is going to come from to pay for new tires and wiper blades. My godmother sent me money as an early Xmas present--money that I used to pay rent, and bills, and buy food, gas, groceries, prescription cat food, birth control, and Xmas presents. So it's all gone, and all I bought myself was three books. And the sample project for my brother is taking forever because the cold and the dark of this time of year keep knocking me out and wearing me out, so I have to go to bed early or I don't have the energy for my day job. So there really is no clear sign of where this money is going to come from.

If I were my cat right now, I wouldn't have to worry about that.

If Jason was here in bed with me, his presence would have kept me from waking up and worrying about all this ice. And if I were my cat, my world would revolve around the lady who gives me food and keeps me safe, and I wouldn't miss him as painfully as I do right now.
holly_evolving: (twirly)
Most of the web comics I follow have been updated. There's a new Zero Punctuation. There's a new Top Chef. Since I'm staying up to watch Top Chef anyway, there's time for me to work on chips for my brother, which means more money for me. And tomorrow's payday! And the day after, I see Jason!
holly_evolving: (Modelling)
My 10 year high school reunion is tonight. And I look AWESOME. I will get some pictures. If anyone asks me, "So what have you accomplished?" I will say, "I'm happy and I know what I want out of life. You?"

This is going to be fun!

For Jason:
funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals
holly_evolving: (Default)
I hate my car and I love my godmother.

Also, Jason rules. And I had a great time at QXT last night. Should be back there Dec. 6, barring any pre-existing plans that I've forgotten.

Also, I was able to sing last night. Whee!

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