Dec. 8th, 2015

holly_evolving: (goldeneye)
So end-consumer-facing customer service call center is pretty much guaranteed to be a position of taking abuse. The customer is semi-anonymous, but knows that 1) the rep knows they're rich and 2) the rep is a peon. So take the greater internet fuckwad theory and add rich asshole, and that's a normal customer.

Next chance I have to get out, whether it's to a different department or a different company, I have to take it. I am losing my mind. My depression has spiraled out of control since the summer and I can't stay in the situation that I know is making me sick.

Until I can get out, I'm going back on Prozac. I didn't want to do that, especially since it's pretty clear to me that the problem is an external one, but I've taken meds to survive abuse before. I'm also back in therapy. This doc has so far told me that she thinks I need to nurture myself, and has me practicing deep breathing on a schedule so that I'm better prepared for the next fit of despair. Panic attack? I don't know, the symptoms don't line up, but it sure as fuck feels like the world is ending. Had my most recent one on Thanksgiving and it almost made us late to go see family.

There is a plan. The plan is get out of this job. There is a plan to survive until I can do this. I have an application to fill out tonight (paper applications wtf?) for a local gig. We'll see how that pans out.

A basilisk

Dec. 8th, 2015 08:58 pm
holly_evolving: (curly hair)
There is a monster inside me
a basilisk coiled beneath my heart
and sometimes it wakes
and when it wakes I must fight it
I must do nothing else
I must not let my focus shift
for if I do it may strike
and if it is allowed to strike
it may kill me

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